| Being Sick Sucks... |
[Aug. 6th, 2006|09:05 pm] |
Sorry about the lack of updates recently. I've been really sick for about a week. It all started with a little sore throat and then it all went down hill from there. I've been laying in bed watching old movies and drinking tea with honey for a whole week. I've finally been able to get up and move around. Though I'm still feeling pretty icky.
So... New Edition and my ex are still causing trouble. I walked in on them kissing twice the other day when they came to visit with me. I went to the bathroom and they took advantage of the situation and started kissing. They must not have heard me coming back because when I did they pulled apart really quickly. It was awkward. I really don't care that they kiss... I just wish they would stop treating me like child and just kiss in front of me. That would make it more tangible and acceptable. Blah...
Should I say something to them or just hope that they get over themselves and stop treating me like a sheltered child? Advice please. I beg thee. |
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| Sorry... |
[Jul. 30th, 2006|02:06 am] |
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Sorry that the last update was a bit crazy and sad. I'm doing better now. Three Cheers for feeling better and less sad. |
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| Finally Friday.... |
[Jul. 28th, 2006|02:46 pm] |
Hello all,
Sometimes I have days where I cannot think in a way that is conducive to living. I wake up on these mornings, like any other and yet something is amiss. Something is simply broken. Yesterday was one of those days. I got up at 8am like usual, took my shower, and began to leave for work. As soon as I stepped outside and into the early morning sun, I felt every ounce of motivation and happiness just drain out of my body. I could actually feel it running down my body, through my feet, and into the ground. I suddenly could care less if I made it to work or died in a car crash on the way. I'm not saying that I'm suicidal by any means, but there was just a serious lack of self preservation...
All day I struggled through even the most simple and mundane tasks. Walking from my truck to the house felt like a chore of Herculean proportions. I couldn't get my key in the front door, so I just sat on the hammock in the back yard, waiting for something to happen... nothing did.
I couldn't and can't it seems, stop thinking about him. He was the only boy I've ever truly had feelings for that were reciprocated. We were together nearly two years. Then one day he introduced me to his new friend, we'll call him "New Edition". Suddenly, he and New Edition were hanging out all the time, I never had him alone anymore. He even suggested that this boy be allowed to go on "our" vacation. I of course gave in and said nothing. He never offically broke up with me, I was just kind of replaced, pushed aside in favor of New Edition. I am still amazing friends with him, I don't think I could bear not having him around in some way. We are meant to be together, if not sexually and romantically... at least as friends. The real thing that bothers me though is that whenever I am around both of them, they refuse to be openly affectionate. I walk in the room and they jump apart, trying to be inconspicous but failing. I need them to touch, hold hands, and even kiss in front of me. I need to see it, it helps so much more than being treated like a child who shouldn't see them together.
Sorry about the rant, sometimes it helps to say these things, though I'm sure no one really cares enough to comment with support and or advice. |
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| Well, No Kidding... |
[Jul. 26th, 2006|02:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
So Lance Bass has announced that he is gay. I mean really who was he kidding anyway? I am glad that he can now own up to who he is and everything, but every time this happens with a celebrity I get a little upset. I mean, he's been denying his sexuality for years, publically and often outright. Now, he wants to change his mind because he has nothing to loose. I don't know. |
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| Hello World.... |
[Jul. 26th, 2006|12:26 am] |
So, I am pretty new to this whole online journal thing... I don't know if anyone will even read this but myself and maybe a few friends. I am always open to meeting new people.
Here's a little bio for any interested parties.
First. I am 19. I enjoy Broadway musicals, Queer as Folk, and old movies.
Second. There's very little that I will not do and or say. Just ask if you wanna know something about me.
"Jump Jump Jump Again
Fly away if you can." |
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gay_by_default's journal
sick
melancholy